The Guy in the Blue Shirt at the Bar

“Keep an eye on the guy in the blue shirt at the bar…”

That’s what whispered to Shannon (my badass wife if you don’t know her).

We had just walked into a restaurant with some family and out of town friends for a snack and a cocktail.

As usual, I posted to the side of the entry door for a few seconds to take in the crowd and atmosphere and my gaze kept returning to this one guy out of the maybe 60 or 70 that were in the place.

It started with “a feeling”. Practicing what I preach, I set out to understand what caused the feeling. In a few seconds I landed on 4 solid body language tell’s;

• Proxemics
• Arm movements
• Exit and Target glances
• Body movement

So, I tell Shannon “I give it 15 minutes before he’s either in a fight, getting kicked out, or buying everyone drinks”. Now THAT was a bold prediction to put a time stamp on it.

That’s the thing about body language; you can’t always tell what the outcome is going to be. But you CAN prepare a plan for the most likely outcomes, Fighting, Fleeing, or Complying, once you’ve keyed into it.

True to form, about 15 minutes later he visits our table with 8 of us adults sitting there minding our own business. Our table. No one else’s, just ours. 🙄

“S’up guys?” he asks loudly.

I was closest to him, so I open my chair towards him (planned) and answer back with a question in a slightly pigeon English accent (Hawaii’s accent, I heard it in his voice) “What Island you from? I get 808 vibes” (Hawaii area code).

Him: “WHAT? NO WAY BRAH! OAHU, YOU?”

Me: “Big Island. You in Waimanalo?”

Him: “nah, La’ie. Brah lemme buy you guys a round of drinks on me”

And so it went for about 5 more minutes, followed by lots of handshakes, a few hugs, and his quiet departure from our table and the venue.

And Shannon looks at me and says “You f*kn called it, and with a timer”. Of course, once she eyeballed him after I said something to her in the beginning, she saw it too.

And by the way, half of us at that table are experts in the field, so even though I was first to spot it and made the prediction, as soon as he started towards our table Shannon and some of the guys were already moving their chairs and drinks in anticipation. No words needed to be spoken. That’s why it’s cool to surround yourself with like minded people on the same page. They’re your team.

Of course, it was slightly easier to establish congruency with the guy due to our shared connection, but that’s a story for de-escalation training.

What exactly was in those four body language “tell’s” that clued me in?

I’ll elaborate a little here, but I encourage you to get your group, agency, workplace or business to book us for a presentation/lecture. You can learn a TON from it in under 2-hours.

But expanding a little here on the four “tell’s”:

1. Proxemics: He was too close to several people when talking to them, then unnaturally distant from another.

2. Arm movements: Exxagerated movements not with just the hands, but with the arms too. In particular held an arm up high explaining something and left it there too long.

3. Exit and Target glances: Took many looks at both the front entrence and the rear exit. The front as if he were expecting someone to come in.

4. Body movement: a lot of weight shifting in a short period of time, and walking slightly away from his position at the bar then back in several times with no appearent reason.

All of this happened in a matter of seconds, but since I was already pre-locked into him becuase I listened to my subconciouse knowing that it had seen and heard things I hadn’t…yet.

Want to jump into a training? Find the next class here: https://www.tacticalkm.com/upcomming-courses/

James H.